Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
