i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
