apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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