Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
