Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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