Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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