just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
