I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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