I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
