My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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