i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
