you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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