So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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