Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
