need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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