Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
