I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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