You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
