I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize