Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
