four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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