really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
