At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
sex in a hospital.. check
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
