Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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