Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
