i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
