Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
