i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I can't put those talents on a resume
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
