I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
porn star boner night. come get it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
