what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wish you could order shots online.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
