i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
