Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
