Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just threw up on my dentist
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
