i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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