I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I think my moral compass just broke
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
