How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
