I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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