I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
