NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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