I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
