Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
