I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
