Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
