She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
