So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
