i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
