a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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