chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I don't think brook has ever known best
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
