Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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