1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
