Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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