grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
